I am so poor that I'm going to just start crying.
I cn't afford a new computer cord, and I'm not even going to get one because it's the computer that's the problem.
So, until I get a new computer, I won't be back.
Which won't be until I don't have to help pay for bills so that we can keep our house and not be on the streets.
I am so done with everything and life itself. I don't know how many more sour-turns I can take.
If discovering some kind of sting/spider bite on my back THAT WASN;T THERE THE WHOLE DAMN DAY doesn't motivate me to clean up my gross-mental-breakdown-room then I don't know what will.
I've already started. I'm going to clean what I can before it's too late and then tomorrow I will go crazy until I need to leave D:
I keep going back and forth with a ridiculous caffeine addiction. To the point where if I don't have it at all during the day, I get headaches and I feel like I am dehydrated. And drinking a shit ton of water doesn't make it any better.
I also went from drinking maybe three sodas a week to three-five a day again. Which SUCKS because now I want to drink Dr. Pepper ALL THE TIME.
Good news though! I am on my third week of wearing my binder every day! I never thought that I would actually be able to get one, but I did and it's made things so much better for me. It's actually gotten kind of uncomfortable to wear bras in general, so I only wear sports bras to work out (which I started to ahhh). Unfortunately, because I tend to over-exaggerate my chest size when buying things, I got a size too big. It works out though, as it safely binds my chest but not in a way that makes me parents stop and ask me what I'm doing. I'm going to save up for another one (and then another) so I can have ones for different purposes!
Otherwise, it's been hard to just be happy. I try and it fails and luckily I HAVE to smile at work, and it keeps me busy. And then I go to work out and I'm so exhausted by the time that I'm done that I don't feel anything.
I got a job at Dunkin donuts, so I've managed to put some money away in a brand new checking account.
That's not the great news though.
The news is that I am going to have a BINDER by next week. It's being ordered on Thursday/Friday, and with two-day shipping, Ill have it in my hands so soon!
I won't even properly react to it until I hold it in my hands, but I am this much closer.
I was thinking about holding off on getting a binder because I need to save money for a convention I'm going to (my priorities are skewed methinks) but...
For second day shipping, only $43? Regular shipping $37?????
I'm going to throw all caution to the wind and buy it.
With more likely he second day shipping, that way, I don't have to wait for it and all that nonsense of not being sure when it will arrive.
It's been pretty crazy lately. Crazy as in I spend all my time on tumblr avoiding things that make me anxious. Which... doesn't work often times. I've basically been going mental and trying not to let it affect me.
I got a job though, at a Dunkin' Donuts. It's only the end of my first day, and I have until Saturday to put in my final opinion.
The BEST part about it though, was spending most of the morning being called "sir". I guess that with an apron on and a hat, I look like a guy. Who has a protruding chest. But they all went "Ah, sorry, ma'am!" after they read my name tag.
I spent a bit of time trying to tell my new coworkers that I do not actually mind it, but they all laughed it off.
So, at the least, they are all nice people, as far as I can tell.
I'm still searching though, because I don't want to do this. I hate being around food and it makes me sick and it's all mental and about my own issues, but still.
I'm going to search on snagajob and that shit for something. Anything.
(I also understand that I asked for hours, but I haven't worked in a LONG time in that kind of environment, and I'm working for the rest of the week? It just makes more sense to me to build up to the point of working there.)
Since I have a fear that at any moment I leave it alone, my parents will break into my computer, I've saved a lot of things related to surgery and hormones in the "fitness" bookmark folder.
I have a list of surgeons (by list, I mean 2), and I'm looking up Endocrinologists in my area. I'm going to see if I can talk to them about what kind of insurance would cover it, and how much it would be with and without insurance.
I'm focusing more on Endocrinologists than surgeons, as that's way to expensive. I also need to think about insurance and other things.
And now, have some thoughts about Doctor Who. Thoughts that followed immediently after watching the first episode of the seventh season/series/whatever.
( There might be spoilers, but it's rather vague. It's also kind of rant-like.Collapse )
I got an invite to Ao3 and ahhhh.
I'm working on what I should put there but just.... so pleased.